I Woke Up This Morning Missing Who I Was Before Motherhood — Why It’s Normal and Not a Sign of Ungratefulness

I woke up this morning thinking about the version of me that existed before motherhood. before routines, responsibilities, and mental lists that never seem to end. Before days were measured in naps, meals, errands, and logistics.

It wasn’t regret. It was recognition — a quiet awareness that motherhood reshapes identity in ways we don’t talk about enough.

Motherhood comes with joy, purpose, and love. But there’s also a side that’s quieter and less spoken about: missing who you were before it began. For many moms, that “before” season represented independence, creativity, ambition, or even rest.

The Identity Pause

Before motherhood, identity often feels whole. There’s work, friendships, hobbies, creativity, and rest. After motherhood, identity becomes layered. It doesn’t disappear — it pauses while new roles take priority.

This pause is where many mothers say they begin to miss themselves. Not because they want their old life back entirely, but because the old version mattered too.

The Invisible Mental Load

Modern motherhood is not just physical care — it’s planning, anticipating, remembering, managing, and worrying. From house tasks to schedules, meals, emotional needs, schooling, and safety, a mother’s mind rarely rests.

Without support, this mental load becomes heavier, and the longing for “before” becomes clearer — not out of regret, but because fewer plates were spinning then.

The Loss of Spontaneity

Before motherhood, going out could be as simple as picking up your bag and leaving the house. After motherhood, spontaneity becomes logistics. Time becomes scheduled. Movement requires negotiation.

For moms who thrive on creativity, independence, or productivity, this shift can feel restrictive.

The Creative Pause

Motherhood is full of creativity, but not always the kind mothers personally choose. For women who love building brands, creating ideas, or working, motherhood can feel like someone pressed “pause” on ambition. Returning to passion takes energy, time, and support — all of which are harder to access in certain seasons.

Rest Is Not the Same

Many mothers don’t miss sleep — they miss rest. Before motherhood, rest was restorative. After motherhood, rest is strategic — squeezed between responsibilities or used to prepare for the next task.

Loving Motherhood and Missing Yourself Can Coexist

One of the biggest misconceptions is that missing your old life or identity means you’re ungrateful. It doesn’t. Duality exists in motherhood.

A mother can:

• love her children

• value the season she is in

• and still miss who she used to be

Why Naming It Matters

Talking about these feelings reduces guilt and isolation. It allows mothers to say, “I feel that too,” without shame. And it encourages families and communities to offer emotional and practical support.

Finding a New Version of You

Motherhood doesn’t erase identity — it reshapes it. For some women, balance comes quickly. For others, it takes years. There’s no right timeline.

Missing yourself doesn’t mean you want to go backward. It means you’re learning how to bring the old and new versions together. And that is normal.

If you’ve ever woken up missing yourself, you’re not alone. Motherhood is beautiful, heavy, transformative, and complex — and both versions of you are allowed to exist.

Sending hugs to you Mama !!